When changing a diaper for a boy baby, make sure to point the penis down between his legs.

If you point it upwards towards his belly button, he will likely piss all over his tummy. Also, have a cloth to rest on his junk while taking off the old diaper and placing on the new. Surprisingly enough, babies have powerful bladders and can shoot a stream of urine several feet.

***Interesting Fact*** (2x)

1. Some research says Urine could be a great cure for acne, if applied 4-5 times a day to infected areas.

2. My skin is now super smooth and… pee tastes horrible.

Like… everything.

Shoe squeaks on the floor..?.. it’s your new baby.

Squeezing a half empty bottle of shampoo while in the shower..?.. it’s your new baby.

Elevator door opens..?..new baby.

Someone drags a chair across their floor upstairs..?.. guess what?… Your baby!!

After a couple days with my little man, I have heard more odd noises, grunts, cries and snorts than I could possibly count. It happens so much that I’ve developed a stiff neck from whipping my head around so much.

Today, I even turned off the water to my shower (mid-lather, mind you) stood naked covered in suds and opened the curtain to listen for…you guessed it…my baby. Only to remember that I came home to shower and my wife and baby were still at the hospital.

I now understand why most parents are bat-shit crazy.

***Interesting Fact***

Science has discovered that new born humans respond to the calls of not only their parents…but non-human primates as well! They especially enjoy the calls of the Blue-eyed Madaga...

I watch how my ego could easily get hurt by this… but I have nothing to offer him at this point. His happy place is smushed up against Mom’s boob… which used to be MY happy place…so he and I are going to have to work out a “joint custody” or “time share” agreement, eventually. Feeding or not… he’s officially a tit man.
New action plan for me: forget trying to impress baby with my awesome daddy skills (that I’ve been studying) and work on tending to Mommy’s needs. I think she likes me better anyhow.

**interesting fact**

Colostrum aids in pain management for the baby. So after being cramped up for 10 months AND upside down for part of that time, babies are typically nauseous and achy. So the boob produces colostrum like a drug to stop pain.

Moms are the drug dealers and babies are junkies.