New Daddy Discovery #7: New born baby boys get boners…

New born baby boys get boners…

And now I feel inadequate around my son.

There is something good about diluting certain gene pools… and my specific genetic make-up is a perfect example.

Let me just start by apologizing to my brothers (and possibly even my mother) for this sharing… but we aren’t exactly the image of perfection. Mostly, my relatives and I resemble Peter Griffin in the buff as opposed to the Statue of David.

I’ve seen myself naked recently… not good.

A few weeks ago, one of my employees said to me… “don’t worry, Dad-bods are totally “in” right now!”

What!!?? I have a “Dad-bod”??!! When the fuck did THAT happen?!

Truth be told… I’ve had a Dad-bod since I was 9 years old. Ugh.

My wife on the other hand- totally fit, lean and looks like a 20-something year old. She’s 40 and a total cougar.

True story: she placed at a national bikini-fitness competition in New Zealand; never trained for it, wasn’t planning on stepping foot on stage, was eating a bag of chips when her friend convinced her to get into a bikini and get on stage…and looked better than anyone on the stage!!

It’s bullshit and totally unfair!

She will EAT ice cream and have a six-pack stomach.

I, on the other hand… will WATCH her eat ice cream and will have to wear my fat pants for the months. Yes… men have fat pants too, ladies.

Look… all I’m trying to say is this: my kid is packing some meat. And it didn’t come from my side of the family.

I don’t know how this will all play out in the end… maybe he’ll grow into it?? But I’m pretty sure I may need to speak with a professional…cause it can’t be healthy to have penis envy… due to your own child.

Just say’n.

***Interesting Fact***

Male babies can get erections, while still in the womb. Even months before delivery.

Just goes to prove…it really ISN’T our fault! We have NO control over that little monster!

“Little” being relative.