New Daddy Discovery #12: I have become a ninja.

I am easily carrying about 15-20 extra pounds of fat on my body right now. Being “light-footed” isn’t much of an option.

Until now.

I have found myself creeping through my own house on a daily basis. Literally walking on my tip toes, shoulders shrugged and hands raised at chest level. Picture: the cartoon villain with the trench coat and hat that we used to watch as children.

Yeah… that’s me.

“But why, Jentry?” you may be wondering.

Let me explain.

Between my wife and my baby, if I wake either of them… the chances of hearing screaming and/or tears is 100%.

These priceless pockets of rest that they are able to get are like seeing rare double rainbows: they fade away as quickly as they happen.

My poor wife is waking up every two hours and then nursing for an hour. And my son…oh man…he definitely takes after his old man! He’s fussy, grumpy, hates being away from his boobs, over eats…to the point where he can’t move and is very vocal about his opinions. Yeah…the little shit is just like me.

My brother Jimmy says he looks like Winston Churchill (Google it.) upon waking up.

So…I have brought back my middle school days and have perfected the art of ninja-style sneaking.

I sneak around the house. I sneak into bed. I sneak out of bed. I sneak out the front door.  I sneak in the front door. I sneak putting on clothes. I even sneak putting ice into my HydroFlask…(what you do is fill the HydroFlask half way with water first…and THEN put in the ice!)!

Discovery:

I am amazed by how nimble I am at this age!

I am also amazed at how afraid I am of my 5foot 5inch wife and my 7 pound baby.

***Interesting Fact***

Only ONE Japanese ninja remains in the world!

The traditions and techniques of the original ninjas were passed down from generation to generation and some have been lost to the ravages of time. Jinichi Kawakami of Iga, Japanclaims to be the world’s last true ninja at 63-years-old. He serves as the 21st head of the Ban clan, a sect that dates to almost 500 years. He also promised not to pass on his skills to any apprentices because he doesn’t believe the skills of the ninja fit the needs of the 21st century.