Daddy Discovery #15: I’m Fairly Certain My Wife Is Training Our Son to Hate Me.

Uncategorized May 09, 2021

Hear me out before you start judging.

I’m not saying it’s intentional…but the evidence is starting to stack up.

Look, my son is perfectly calm, restful and blissed-out when he’s with Mommy. He will sleep anywhere and in any position…as long as it’s touching Mommy.

The only times I interact with my baby is when I have to pry him away from the comfort and safety of Mommy!

Here I come… a big hairy bear of a man… wake him from his deep restful sleep, strip him down nude, lift him by his ankles, wet wipe his balls and bare ass, and try to convince him everything’s going to be okay in a deep (probably to him) scary voice!

It reminds me of my time in prison…and it was terrifying.

But that’s another story.

Look… the point I’m trying to make is this: Pavlov discovered that the brain in programmable. Ring a bell; eat some food.

Well, I can’t imagine it’s much different in this situation: all the good shit happens with Mommy. All the bad shit happens with Hairy Monster Man.

You should see the way he looks at me. He’s very suspicious of me. He always has a half-pout on his face when I’m near and if I hold him at eye level…he looks shocked and prepared for the worst. Like, “not you again..!!…what form of torture is it going to be this time??”

Mommy touches him and his whole body relaxes and he stops crying. And within 15 seconds he’s sound asleep again.

I’m even starting to believe he waits for me to take off his diaper, just so he can have his revenge! Oh the look in his eye. He’s so impressed with himself.

***Interesting Fact***

According to Daniel P. Todes,

Pavlov didn’t use a bell, and for his real scientific purposes, couldn’t. English-speakers think he did because of a mistranslation of the Russian word for zvonok (buzzer) and because the behaviorists interpreted Pavlov in their own image for people in the U.S. and much of the West.

I think I’m going to get a bull horn for feeding time…and see how the tables can turn.

Happy Sunday my dear friends!